Good morning 2016

"Open hands are hard to hold onto anyway"

Just a few thoughts

Peace is such a lost art these days. Maybe it's a loss of hope. We say, the pen is mightier than the sword, but we hand our children guns and tell them to defend themselves. As if the world cannot be changed and all we can do is fight for our very lives. 

I can't let myself be trampled upon by others. But there is a strange sort of strength in turning the other cheek, something I haven't yet learned for myself. It's peace. 

I see it in Nana when she gently reminds me to choose my battles. I see it in Hope. In a world where we are so quick to win our wars with bloody battles and glorious murder, I see this beautiful peace in a rare few. It is different, strikingly unique. The kind of beauty that makes news headlines, the kind of love that speaks louder than dozens of battle cries. 

I realize, a battle won in ink is much more beautiful than a battle won in blood. The whisper of a child is often more powerful than the shout of an adult. We search for peace, talk about peace as if we know just what it is, but the headlines are crowded with cruelty and we pick up our swords. 

Tell me, what on earth is keeping us from destroying ourselves? We are innately stupid. We fight any idiots battle we can get our fingers on, get heated over petty politics and world issues as if our screams would fix the planet and cure world hunger. 

What on earth? Only the grace of God, and people like Hope. 

She teaches me, every time she refuses to kill an insect, that peace is most important. 

Walt Whitman

"I believe a leaf of grass is no less than the journeywork of the stars,"

Repeat

And all life becomes is a repeat
A constant cycle of pain regurgitated
Over and over
And over again

She gets better, she gets stronger
Until the swelling returns worse
Over and over
And over again

I tell them I'm okay
I don't want to explain
Over and over
And over again

Bring her back, heal her someday
I cringe with bruised knees and pray
Over and over
And over again

I'm only just a stray girl
Caught up in your magic
They say it's a crime to fall in love
But they wonder why I haven't
Lilies grow on the outside
An infected wound within
They tell me to be happier
I'm choked up over this
If happy is found solely in You
Must I leave this table for two
I'm finding that life is beautiful
Yet I'm finding it is cruel
I just want to be something worthy
And in that I am a fool

I like you, I will scream

Along with other useless things

Tangled up in facial expressions 

And your wordless poetry 

But as many metaphors as you speak

You'll fail to see through mine

You won't hear me, you won't hear me

What I say is my disguise

Habakkuk

"For as the waters fill the sea, the earth will be filled with an awareness of the glory of the Lord."

"The Lord replied, Look around at the nations; look and be amazed! For I am doing something in your own day, something you wouldn't believe even if someone told you about it." 

Lang leav

"...the world has given you poetry and now you must give it back."

I write about my love

Like I'm running a marathon

Like I'm trying harder

Than everyone else

To get to you

I don't know how yet

But I'm writing 

Till my love has a face 

Till I finish my race

I'm unprepared,

As you're aware

To handle all of this

If I could speak

Or spend time with you

Would you listen to common sense

I will, tonight

"The only trouble is

You're getting hard to resist"

10:36

I just want to mend

All of her sorrows, all of the doubt

The syllables that painstakingly

Keep falling out

She writes about struggles

I don't know much about

She's a beauty, and I'm sorry

She doesn't deserve 

To be simply "fine"

And I am scared I will one day have a list of names instead of a list of things I did with you. I am scared of a life of regretting every time I opened up to an idiot. I will tattoo the regret to my wrists, defile any dainty thing about me with the sting of "I told you so". 

But, the good thing about pen tattoos is they always seem to rub off. 

over coffee

Over coffee in the evening blue

Our sad thoughts dissolve into steaming talk

And discussing trials we've made it through

We're nostalgic for pasts that were all our fault

"Yeah, it's not healthy to want to go back

To change how things went and to stop myself

But now I'm haunted by this ghostly past

Guided solely by him and how I felt"

Our well known tales cool the coffee with time

The shop slowly begins to close us in

Is forever such a disturbing crime

That I can't keep close a beautiful friend?

Though the future we have always fought

When the time comes, please forget me not

You're the line I've got to cross

I'm forever breaking down your walls

Tell me, tell me

I'll scream through a smile

When will I ever be able to stop

My hurt is a birthmark that won't wash off

magician

You're the trick up someone's sleeve

Magic is always fooling me

We're fools in love, but I've been too smart

Thinking I could see through the games of my heart

I'm my own magician, do I really need you?

To screw up a life I've already ruined

I try my best to make things up

Conjure up unrequited and call it true love

I'll sing a little louder
To a happy song
Forget the soul I fed to
My sorrows last night

"It will all be alright"
That's all I can hope
Save me--
I can't do it on my own
You've overcome the world
Please tear mine apart
Before I ruin myself
Or he breaks my paper heart

Life

Pros:

-hellos

-true love

-coffee shops 

-unlikely friends

-little gifts

-great grandmothers

-rainbows

Cons:

-goodbyes

-unrequited love

-fires

-family fights 

-silent tears

-gravestones

-rainbows

a promise

"Everything is going to be okay," she told the little girl, cupping her tiny face in her hand and kissing her goodnight. 

She lived for the day when she could say that with honesty. 

"True friends stab you in the front"

where's the middle ground

I'm sorry I ruin everything I touch

Good intentions spill over into fallen love

I'm sorry my mouth is filled with weeds

And I spout off things I might not mean

When I wake up again it will all be alright

Just give me a chance to say goodnight

I'm tired of lost ambition

And yet caring too much

please

Someday soon I'll find a way

To make the hurt disappear

I'm no magician but I am your friend

I'd take a bullet to mend your pain 

I guess backing down would've been kind

But pushing a solution was right

And in a conversation meant way too well

You've fallen to the wayside

I wasn't right this time

She told me to choose my battles

And I chose the right side

But the battle wasn't one you wanted to fight

If I could manage eloquence for once

I would paint it pretty on my blog

But I'm sorry, so terribly sorry

My words are very long gone

black

What is there left for me to say
When all my attempts have crumbled away
Scraped raw to the bone, this is all I have left
A mangled confession and a tattered fist
They ask for mercy, they beg for a kiss
But the time for kind words is sorely missed
I seem to be looking only for this

If I am destined to wait, how much longer, might I ask?
If I am destined for death, can he come quicker to the task?

What is there left for me to say
You overtake me with every melancholy day
I want what I can't have, I'm trying to be something I'm not
If I could only be someone that He could be proud of
If I could only be someone that they aren't ashamed of
Mend me, I pray on the edge of an exhausting morning
Fix me, just like you're fixing her
Maybe the problem is I have faith in His power in her
But I can't bring myself to be confident in personal prospect

If I am destined to wait, how much longer, might I ask?
If I am destined for death, can he come quicker to the task?
If this all is my fate, just give me strength to last
My words are fading, my heart is straying, my sins are bottled up black

(paul, he gets it)

"I don't really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don't do it. Instead, I do what I hate… I want to do what is right, but I can't. I want to do what is good, but I don't. I don't want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway… Oh what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord."

The scars

It never quite leaves

So I live with the sting

The aftermath of something

That crumbled into nothing

And I live with the scars

That just won't wash off

They hold me back from the future

Keep me planted in my own quicksand 

But love isn't what hurts

It's the nostalgia's steady burn

Yeah, I used to be innocent

I used to speak without regret 

Okay is just a lie

Just let me tell you I'm fine

Some things are meant to be

While others are deprived

And I can't shut my mind off

Like I can tune out the Christmas carols

Forced down my throat

Cheer up, cheer up

Well I'm too screwed up

the angel

Everything seems to die these days

My mother's ever faithful face

My father's facade of being okay

The thought that tomorrow is always a new day

Everything blends together this time

Everything feels strangely like the very first time

They tell me to trust

I don't really know how

My strength is in questioning

Yet this shit could be real now

Something tells me her time is running low

She's done what she was here for, she'd go to a better place

But maybe I need her

That's what my selfishness states

Maybe she's the one person that couldn't be replaced

And I wish I could fix all her gnawed down bones

I wish I could remedy the tumors that grow

I tried my best to be perfect and only for her

She says she ruined my precious world

But now precious is her

And she doesn't deserve

To exist on my same earth

But the angel sleeps in the next room

Beside the failure all but doomed

To cry tears that won't come

For a life almost done

coldplay

Oh, what I would give for just a moment to know
Yeah, I live for this feeling, it’s everglow
So if you love someone, you should let them know
Oh, the light that you left me will everglow...

Please choose what to do:

1. Be okay

2. Be okay

3. Be okay

The ride home

The Lord didn't die

So I could be afraid

Crippled by regret

And bound up with pain

But how do I escape

When he orders her fries

And she's trying to speak to me

They don't notice

The fear lodged in my eyes

He sits off to the side

And one's in my place

I'm only my facade

Another person and me are having a race

But it's a waste

I don't really know how

But my sarcastic remarks

Are more meaningful than ever

I don't mean for my words to be sharp

But his existence strikes my heart

She's trying to talk to me again

I'm wanting not to listen

But now I'm riding home in the car

We haven't gotten very far

I went to sleep fully dressed

In yesterday's clothes

Things like that happen

When your mind explodes

Today I wear the scars

Of last night's heavy thoughts 

In a lighthearted Christmas t-shirt

I was too tired to take off

choked up

"…And the hardest part of losing you
Is you're okay to lose me
That's why when I wake up
I'm choked up, baby

So leave me alone to sink
In the floodwaters of my ink
I'm afraid if I speak up
I'll get choked up, baby"

BOY

"Time is hard to kill since I met you…"

meg myers

"I die thinking about you all the time
And knowing its a crime
I still think about you all the time"

He races around the imaginary football field

Clutching the ball before the precious seconds run out

Headed for a touchdown, the winning points,

I stick my head out the door and call him for dinner

Or schoolwork, or the other things that keep him from dreaming

He's hardly pro football material yet

But why do we have to tell him that

The one sentence story game, as demonstrated by my family

(As paraphrased by me) Once upon a time a very nice car drove into a cabin.

The inexperienced driver went by the name of Anastasia Louise, a pothead from another city. Frank and Joe were in the backseat. She drove straight into the building, to discover a lifetime supply of crack and an Australian man with a gun. Thank goodness Joe was a trained professional, and he pulled out his bazooka and shot the man. 

Turns out the man was Indigo Julio Ernesto Ricardo Ramierez the Fifth, not because he was the fifth, but because he had five names. He apparently had been having an affair with Anastasia Louise, and with his heavy Scottish accent his last words were, "Don't let your kilt fall to the ground." (Yes, he was of Mexican descent who grew up in Australia and lived in Scotland.)

Anastasia Louise took a last wiff of pot and died with the weed still in her hand. The lit weed caught the cabin on fire, and the raging flames flew up around frank and joe. Thank goodness joe was a trained professional. He put the fire out by hitting it with his coat, and then used indigo Julio Ernesto Ricardo Ramierez' last words as a code for the voice activated safe. He had a surprising accurate Scottish accent. Him and frank opened the safe, ready to get high and rich off the stolen money they expected inside and the crack around them, but lo and behold there was

...nothing. 

A high pitched Indian accent belted out from a speaker on the roof. "Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you for my money!" It could only indigo Julio Ernesto Ricardo Ramierez' brother, a man of Mexican descent who lived in India and had gotten there first. 

The end. 

birdy

"But if we're strong enough to let it in

We're strong enough to let it go..."

"won't you

come around and

prove

me wrong?"

home alone

Home alone in the morning
I'm writing myself a story
Manipulating my facial expressions
To match the words on the computer screen
I don't mean
For my thoughts to be displayed from my eyes
But crying is a part of life
Dying is the end of life
And eyes are the windows to the soul
So don't get too close or I'll have to push you away
I'm sorry, you're messing with my brain
I can't write a poem you don't infiltrate
My words twist you into an ugly cliche
And I'm sitting on my couch
Missing the days
When staying home alone was a peaceful thing

I tried my hardest not to be bitter, but all my guts spilled on the page, put your judging to the side or don't bother yourself with my rage, please

Happy two days before thanksgiving day

It's not a happy day to me

Usually my dad and I would be all excited

Making 5 dozen molasses cookies

And the firestation peanut butter popcorn recipe 

Planning our Black Friday shopping too already 

But my life is still a funeral procession

Of cards in the mail filled with distant apologies

And love

As much as I appreciate the five seconds everyone puts into

Signing the festive get well wishes

I wish

That my holiday season could be spent halfway normally,

Without people feeling sorry for us

Because I already feel way too sorry for myself

Without the outside help 

It was August 15th, I think

Which makes it a little over 4 months ago

Yet I can't get it out of my head

How scared I was

And how I made the cliche decision 

To not tell my siblings yet

And now, 4 months later

I'm wishing it all away

Because 4 months is too close to cancer

And 4 months passed in an instant eternity

I have the blessing of "nothing changing"

And the curse of a reality check every time

I look at her, as often as I check my watch out of habit

The fears and depression make themselves at home

In the home that I lost

When I spent 4 months suffocating 

In my own bed

And they tell me

"Let's act as if nothing happened!"

Well you already screwed that up

When you didn't give us any foods to cook

For thanksgiving dinner

Like we used to 

And I'm sorry you try to bless us

And the two teenagers aren't as grateful

We just want our mom back

And the gifts away

Because we know when we were told it was a brain tumor

We didn't know it would be this hard

So happy two days before thanksgiving day

Thank you for trying to numb the pain

seven

"That's the seventh one, right?"

"What?"

"Her seventh boyfriend."

I don't think it matters that much. What matters to me is that none of those boys deserved her, none of them knew more about her than the way her lips felt on theirs. They didn't love her wild laughter, her passion and excitement. Her loyalty to life and to love. Her wisdom. She said yes because she was hurting, she said yes because she was lonely. The thing is, as wise as she was she didn't see that they would never satisfy her hungry soul. And she will always be too much for them.

Yes, there were seven boys who said they loved my cousin.

Yes, she said she had loved each one of them.

I don't think I have a right to judge.

"Yeah, I guess."

"Do you know anything about him?" Nana asked me.

He better treat her right, he better not say he loves her until he stays.

"He seems nice."

I hate the back and forth guessing

Hopeless contemplating

Why can't two people just say it 

Without constant fear of rejection 

"I like you, let's date"

That's about all that it takes

And I admit I've fallen victim

To stalling and complying

With talking in signs

Walking the fine line

Between "oh we're just friends"

And "I might have feelings for him"

If we could all just put things into perspective

Stop caring what people think

Maybe honesty would be a reality

And I wouldn't cry when I think

Does he think about me

Cuz that's all that I think

About

And if I opened my mouth

Maybe I could find out

But I think without action

I have a plan but really not

When I see him all the plans

Fly out to make way for my thoughts

You say chill

Well, I can't

It's a struggle of mine

Just like you struggle with some things too

Am I right?

when he sees me --- sara bareilles

"…I minimize the guessing game,
Guess what?
I don't like guessing games
Or when I feel things,
Before I know the feelings
How am I supposed to operate,
If I'm just tossed around by fate?"

faded

His voice shook with my hands
A strong man with no plan
And he told me he was sorry
This had to happen

My actions cheapened my apology
An the legitimacy of my claims
But he cried when I explained to him
That I was afraid

A mile on the road, bare feet shrinking from the pavement
Did not prepare me though I had rehearsed my words
"I'm scared mom will die, I just want her back
She's not the same anymore, she doesn't listen, Dad"

"I'm scared too."

It can never be cured
Can only be fought
He took common sense
Out of all of her thoughts
I walk through a house
That doesn't feel like my home
My Mom walks beside me
Yet I feel too alone
She's not the same, Father
She's not the Mom I barely remember
I'm trying to trust you
But it'll be five months in december

All things work together for good?
I hope so.
I have never in my life lost my appetite this much
I have never in my life seen my Dad cry this much

throne - bring me the horizon

"I'll leave you choking
On every word you left unspoken"

Table for Two

"Your smile lights up my eyes like an accident

I'm tripping over my words cuz you're my second language"

~Lamentations 3~

Let them lie face down in the dust,

For there may be hope at last...

For no one is abandoned by the Lord forever.

isle of flightless birds ~ |-/

And the ground taunts my wings

Plummet as I sing

Plummet as I sing

far too young to die ~ panic! at the disco

I've never so adored you

I'm twisting allegories now

Falling

You thought that I was sane?

Well take a closer look 

I'm a kamikaze pilot 

With second thoughts on my beliefs

While in midair

Just in case you thought

I was strong and always fine

The first thing you should know is that

I tell the best of lies

I want to know your ins and outs 

And the places where you hide

Tell me your insecurities

Although I'll never take your side (on that)

I know a lot goes on

In your mind

People say that a lot, but this time

I know what I'm talking about

We're just victims of the cruel world

Yaknow?

Trying to be better than our parents

Yaknow?

But at the same time, falling short.

Like the apple from the tree.

So since you now know I'm insane

And I got to pick your brain

Let's be insane together now

Screw all the cruel world's pain

The morning inched it's way 

Into his eyes

Like the way he meandered his way

Into her heart

She inhaled the fog and the peace

Into her lungs

But even the soft eight am awakening

Was no match

For the thoughts and

Photographic memories

In her mind

On repeat

sorry, but not really it's fun to be cryptic

While the rain was still fresh on the windowpane, the writer scribbled hurriedly into her notebook. Her pen scrawled faster than her brain can keep up with, resulting in a script only legible to herself. That's the way it was supposed to be, right? Right, went her head. Wrong, said her heart. You're writing for him, aren't you?

The only shards of light that escaped the clouds barely skimmed the paper. Darkness gave way to melancholy and though she was used to the way the weather fought with her emotions, this was different. She was writing about him, right? Right, went her heart. Her head thought otherwise.

Her keen observance to the brevity of life struck an odd contrast to her faked emotional indifference towards him. Of course he was the best thing that could have happened to her. But why should she admit it, when she could spill any and all feelings onto the blank page without judgement? Perfect, her head agreed, and her heart sighed. 

The fresh roses on the side table stood as proof of his affection. 

Yes, she couldn't believe it. But she loved him, and never said it.

The heart lodged in her chest and the head squeezed into her brain warred for her best interests as she continued to write. Help me, the ink swirled. I need more time, and the pen paused. Somewhere, at this exact moment someone was dying. And yet at that precise time, someone was being born. And she was caught in the middle of the two extremes, the IV pumping liquid life and her face proving solid death. 

But she couldn't write that.

A nurse and a man walked in, both with heavy news.

"There's nothing more we can do," she told her. He said, "I won't stop loving you." There was a last round of shots, a first round of tulips. 

He kissed her for the first and last time. 

"I love you," she whispered.

"I'm sorry."

Don't Ask

There's a chord progression in your name

Sitting in the notebook on my shelf

I have no idea what I'm doing with it

But I just couldn't help myself

What even is the point of subtlety 

When I'm dying to scream it out

Because "I'll never feel your lips on mine

And you'll never hear me shout"

I'm only scared because

I'm halfway an optimist

[im a goner]

You seem to have figured me out

So let's see

Here's a question

What's the difference between insanity and me?

Sometimes I think

I know what you'd say

But it's a rhetorical question 

Anyway

I just don't believe it when you say that you're fine
Because hurt people turn into liars sometimes
I've said too many times that I'm doing alright
While drowning in pain that I keep out of sight

So if you want to talk when you're supposedly cool
Punch in my number, you sweet little fool

Sometimes I say the stupidest things
But once you say something
You can't take it back
So then I trip over the words
Pull the coat of regret
"I'm sorry I said that
It will haunt me forever
Do me a favor
Just a dollar for the poor kid
If I save up enough
I can buy myself pardon"

"It doesn't work like that kid"
And he follows me around
So I'm spelling out guilt
On my piece cardboard

I don't want to be a slave to fear

But I'm not willing to die for trying

"If you are ever in doubt as to wether to kiss a pretty girl, always give her the benefit of the doubt." --Thomas Carlyle

(Owl City)

When did the sky turn black?

When will the light come back?

This fight of my life is so hard

But I'm gonna survive

These are beautiful times...

type

Apathy should never be an option
But I'm tired of caring too much
I'm not the type of person to walk away
But not the type for unrequited love

alone

In the end I must deal with it all by myself

And I don't know how to ask for help

I care too much for what you think

And too little for making my thoughts complete

Tell me I'm worth it

But not if you don't mean it

I used to beg for lies, but 

I'll face up to the truth

If it means I earn some respect

No matter what the envisioned prospect

Because I'm warring for a worthy cause

And failing from personal downfall

So I'm asking for assurance, like anyone would

After writing you poems as if I really could

But in the end I must deal with it all by myself

I'm a hopeless romantic in failing health

Singing songs to a someone I've only repelled

-First-

If I fall in love with you

I'll write about you endlessly

Until the constant flow of syllables

Piece together perfectly

I'll send a million thoughts your way

Over a starry telephone line

But the only thing you'll hear is "I love you"

And that will be just fine 

In a flurry of activity 

I'll stop to text you emoji kisses

Because if I had a genie in a bottle

You'd take up all my wishes 

I'll sharpie your name on my wall

Like the way it feels on my mind

I'll list a thousand ways you make me happy

And a thousand more for how we're blind

I'll talk about the future

Because I know it'll be with you

I always get way too attached

But you'll keep your word and be true

This poem will be a memory

With all its greeting card rhymes

Because you will be with me

And there's no one better I could find

If I fall in love with you

I'll mean every stinking word

When I say that I love you

It will mean I loved you first.

over the edge

Worry is just a way
Of making the inevitable
Worse

Regret is just a way
Of twisting the past
Against you

And I worry that I regret what has not even happened yet
Because love is the ocean and I've only got my toes wet
I'm scared of what I feel, but more of what you do
So I'll never say goodbye, but I will never tell the truth.

Maybe it's just a far-flung fantasy,
I always skip rocks to optimistic conclusions
While the flowing of the water
Doesn't change,
But I like to believe it does

the nightmares are all too real

Standing over my head

You pull the trigger

In my late-night dreams

You always appeared bigger

The pain flows with the blood

From my head to my heart

You've put me out of my misery

The agony you started

me and my mind

I have time on my hands--

Time for my thoughts

The cold space around me 

And silence haunts

I can't fill the void

With mindless activity

So it's me and my mind

Running thoughts for infinity

You try to take me around town

Down streets I know too well

I'm aggravated, you see

With this maddening dry spell

I'm selfish without a cure

Taking all of his bait

Because I don't want hopelessness

But I don't want to be a saint

Teetering on the edge of loneliness

Falling over what's inside

I'm shutting them out

For the sake of Pride

Father, forgive me

For this one thing is true--

I know exactly what I do.

Give me a break
Give me a sign
Don't want to think I'm losing faith
I'm fine, I'm fine

Tell me how you figured it out

I want to see your mind

Maybe I can call you brilliant

But you are always blind

There's nothing worse
Than self-defense
At the expense
Of your sanity

She thinks she knows the struggles

But her faith is more than mine

The good girl likes to help the bad

But I'm a closed case, sorry

forgotten who I used to be

the worst years of our lives

Emotions sting like saltwater

On the flesh wounds that I wear

It's teenage desperation 

Fueling thoughts under my hair

I don't know what I think

I just ponder what I see

A resurgence of ocean waves to blame

For the fact that I am drowning

Give me someone to love

Kiss me like it's a crime

They want to cage passion

And I just want to know why

But in the meantime

Treat me like illegal wine

Then show them that we haven't died

For once I'm content

To keep it this way

Not anything extra

Just a simple connection 

In a complicated world

Fists in the air

Let's scream to the sky together

We both are aware

It's not empty 

shallow

The question is

Do I like you

A) I don't really know yet

B) you're a freaking monster

C) I'm completely sure of it

D) you're stinking cute

E) idk I just wanna give up

But the truth is, you know who,

You're my all of the above

If my world turned at the same pace as yours

I'd be making loads of cash

So I could buy him a better situation

And purchase her some peace

But my world is sorely out of tune

And she's trying to heal in the living room

If he thinks that it will get better

Why does he cry with me when he's scared

He's trusting Him and I'm trying

But I'm visually impaired

Can't stop thinking about my precious time

And how it may be growing short

All I want is a conversation in the living room

Cuz I'd give her my world 

the neighbourhood.

When I wake up

I'm afraid

Somebody else might take my place

don't let me forget

What was I thinking

Don't know what's going on

I'm trying to keep things straight

But they're twisted

Relentlessly

The only thing that makes sense

Was me raising my hand

Cuz I felt stupid but for once

I knew it was right.

Right?

The perfectionist

She is a street lamp 

I am a crime

The kind of love I refuse

To recognize 

Fact

The crazy girls are the lonely girls

I'm sorry sister

I've let her down

But I can't juggle

The things I'm supposed to be

I've let her down

And can't handle the guilt

That boils inside of me

Dear Human

I pushed you out of my head, and my heart. Yeah, I never loved you. But when you texted me, my face absolutely lit up. Was I a liar because I ignored that?

My life has been a series

Of sighs and "I wishes"

Because I wish I looked pretty

Without makeup caked on

Wish I had money for college

Saved up in a jar

And I wish I weren't jealous

Of all the things they have

Things that I always seem to lack. 

Because jealousy is cancer 

To my bones and my skin

And I wish I could cut out my eyes 

Always seeing things I like

Things I won't ever have

And I know it's my life

But I kind of want theirs

I'm sorry to complain

About jealousy and crap

But it's wrecking my mind

And I can't get rid of it.  

[enter explanation here]

Dear [enter name here]

What I've been trying to tell you

Is when I put down my backpack

At the end of the day

You slip into my thoughts

Like the badass you believe you are

And I can't get you out

Even in sleep

Cuz you've made a fool of my brain

By haunting my dreams

But I'm not as defensive

As I've needed to be

I'll reach for a gun (my weapon of choice)

But you've infiltrated my feelings

And I don't want to regret 

Pulling the trigger in front of your head

Sweetie, come on

I want my thought process back

If so-and-so is going to a party

I go because of them

And it's all from a long while back

When you decided to slip in

So please leave me alone

To wallow in my wreck

You're not the answer to my issues

You're the reason I'm depressed

I'll have a great dream

Where all my dreams came true

Before I wake up and remember

It was only you

Pushing me to my breaking point

Bending ideals

So I give up on the possibilities

Give up on love 

So I'm asking you to leave

Because I'm really sick of yelling 

But leave a note on my door

So I'll know where you're heading

oil and water

I am deprived
They are alive
Singing about love is exhausting
When you don't have any
Because the notes on the guitar
Flow together so easily
While my thoughts blend just
As well as oil and water
They talk about their crushes
Oh joy, oh joy
Mine were nothing but confusion
I looked forward to see him
And him
Then him
But in the end
He never came anyway
He didn't care
And him---
Let's just say none worked out
But made pretty good poems
Yeah, she says
I don't need no man
But it kind of seems like I do
And I sympathize with you
Because of all the people
I know somewhat well
You just seem like the one
Who would understand
The feeling that everyone else has a plan
While you're sailing through life
Not knowing how to deal
With the feelings you're given
And the lies bombarding you
Because here and now it takes someone
To make you feel worthy

So I'm falling to the earth
Feeling so worldly

the dying flower

A single button
Falls off her coat

A lone raindrop
Hits salty road

She slips on the ice
No one around

But the words she wrote
Were hopelessly profound