I don't want to be a slave to fear

But I'm not willing to die for trying

"If you are ever in doubt as to wether to kiss a pretty girl, always give her the benefit of the doubt." --Thomas Carlyle

(Owl City)

When did the sky turn black?

When will the light come back?

This fight of my life is so hard

But I'm gonna survive

These are beautiful times...

type

Apathy should never be an option
But I'm tired of caring too much
I'm not the type of person to walk away
But not the type for unrequited love

alone

In the end I must deal with it all by myself

And I don't know how to ask for help

I care too much for what you think

And too little for making my thoughts complete

Tell me I'm worth it

But not if you don't mean it

I used to beg for lies, but 

I'll face up to the truth

If it means I earn some respect

No matter what the envisioned prospect

Because I'm warring for a worthy cause

And failing from personal downfall

So I'm asking for assurance, like anyone would

After writing you poems as if I really could

But in the end I must deal with it all by myself

I'm a hopeless romantic in failing health

Singing songs to a someone I've only repelled

-First-

If I fall in love with you

I'll write about you endlessly

Until the constant flow of syllables

Piece together perfectly

I'll send a million thoughts your way

Over a starry telephone line

But the only thing you'll hear is "I love you"

And that will be just fine 

In a flurry of activity 

I'll stop to text you emoji kisses

Because if I had a genie in a bottle

You'd take up all my wishes 

I'll sharpie your name on my wall

Like the way it feels on my mind

I'll list a thousand ways you make me happy

And a thousand more for how we're blind

I'll talk about the future

Because I know it'll be with you

I always get way too attached

But you'll keep your word and be true

This poem will be a memory

With all its greeting card rhymes

Because you will be with me

And there's no one better I could find

If I fall in love with you

I'll mean every stinking word

When I say that I love you

It will mean I loved you first.

over the edge

Worry is just a way
Of making the inevitable
Worse

Regret is just a way
Of twisting the past
Against you

And I worry that I regret what has not even happened yet
Because love is the ocean and I've only got my toes wet
I'm scared of what I feel, but more of what you do
So I'll never say goodbye, but I will never tell the truth.

Maybe it's just a far-flung fantasy,
I always skip rocks to optimistic conclusions
While the flowing of the water
Doesn't change,
But I like to believe it does

the nightmares are all too real

Standing over my head

You pull the trigger

In my late-night dreams

You always appeared bigger

The pain flows with the blood

From my head to my heart

You've put me out of my misery

The agony you started

me and my mind

I have time on my hands--

Time for my thoughts

The cold space around me 

And silence haunts

I can't fill the void

With mindless activity

So it's me and my mind

Running thoughts for infinity

You try to take me around town

Down streets I know too well

I'm aggravated, you see

With this maddening dry spell

I'm selfish without a cure

Taking all of his bait

Because I don't want hopelessness

But I don't want to be a saint

Teetering on the edge of loneliness

Falling over what's inside

I'm shutting them out

For the sake of Pride

Father, forgive me

For this one thing is true--

I know exactly what I do.

Give me a break
Give me a sign
Don't want to think I'm losing faith
I'm fine, I'm fine

Tell me how you figured it out

I want to see your mind

Maybe I can call you brilliant

But you are always blind

There's nothing worse
Than self-defense
At the expense
Of your sanity

She thinks she knows the struggles

But her faith is more than mine

The good girl likes to help the bad

But I'm a closed case, sorry

forgotten who I used to be

the worst years of our lives

Emotions sting like saltwater

On the flesh wounds that I wear

It's teenage desperation 

Fueling thoughts under my hair

I don't know what I think

I just ponder what I see

A resurgence of ocean waves to blame

For the fact that I am drowning

Give me someone to love

Kiss me like it's a crime

They want to cage passion

And I just want to know why

But in the meantime

Treat me like illegal wine

Then show them that we haven't died

For once I'm content

To keep it this way

Not anything extra

Just a simple connection 

In a complicated world

Fists in the air

Let's scream to the sky together

We both are aware

It's not empty