Alize at his finest

"In Naked and Afraid they don't have any clothes."

You don't say? XD

serene

I took a walk to clear my head

Noticed things that no one said

Like, the world doesn't revolve

Around you and me

The wind blows, the clouds move,

And everything keeps going

And around us there are people

Who think they're all that,

But for them, the world 

Turns just as fast

We're one and the same

Trying to keep our heads on our shoulders

But sometimes, our heads weigh on us more than we think

So we've got to think less and think about being free

The wind tugs at my hair 

Like its some sort of game

And the sky smiles blue

As if it were saying your name

But the world doesn't know

About you and I 

Time ticks just as fast

When I take seconds to cry

So I took a walk to clear my mind

Of all its crap, of things I said

I listened to nothing,

And I noticed everything

And the thing is we deserve nothing

But He gives us everything

And so we are worthless

In the big scheme of things

But He likes to bless us

Individually

Think about it dear,

We are travelers here

It's such a nice day

And we always have so much to say

Just listen for Him,

And He shows up

And today I think that this is enough

visons ~ big deal

"I don't want to see you fall apart"

I LOVE YOU EMILY INCREDA-GREY

"Technically, if one goes to the bathroom on the couch, it still doesn't mean the couch is a bathroom."

Probably misquoted that xD

Dear, oh dear
What am I doing here
I'm screaming,
No one stops to hear
I draw a smiley face
On my crumpled paper plate
It's a nice mask,
So I've decided fate
I think for myself that life is gone
I think for myself that love is wrong
I think for myself and I state it clear
Then wonder what I'm doing here
Dear, oh dear
Get me out of my fear
The exits aren't clear
Must existence end here?
I think for myself, there's two ways to die
At my own hands or with your hands in mine
Shall I drag you along? Would you like to be the death of me?
I'll give you a secret that you must keep
I'm writing on a blog that no one reads
I'm picking at a lock without a key
I want to love you, do you want to love me?
When I think for myself, I start to lose peace
Ignore everything I just said--

things I am grateful for.

- stupid inside jokes

- silent football under the treehouse cabins

- my mom calling me for breakfast even though I'm not hungry

- my dying Coke-bottle plant

- birdsong

- reading poetry in Barnes and Noble

- eloquence, (and the eloquence of that word in itself)

- riding fourwheelers with my cousin and getting stuck in the mud

- feeling empowered 

- feeling lovely

- road trips, my parents' cheesy Christian music

- singing to Bon Jovi with my dad

- hugs from Nana

- adopted family

- camping trips and flashlight hikes with Grandaddy

- successfully pranking Trevor with Alize

- high fives

- when someone says something stupid at three am, and we laugh about it for far too long

- Joseph buying that necklace for Emily

- going to Emily's house randomly and seeing her wearing it

- real talks

- watching About Time with Hannah and Grace

- tears of joy

- long lists that no one cares to read (haha)

- when people say I smell nice

- throwing the football with my brother and letting him make fun of me

- the fact that life sucks but I still like to make it sound beautiful---

- the fact that life is actually slightly beautiful

- being happy for no particular reason

- my dad's fire station stories

- Grace telling me about Ethan

- Walking Hope to production

- the feeling of being understood

- when Carissa texts me randomly to see how I'm doing

- freaking out with Hope for no particular reason :)

- when Jillian is my spirit animal

- when Rebekah finally posts something on her blog and it's freaking beautiful

- glancing at your watch and realizing you've got all the time in the world

- forgetting to wear my retainer and feeling free

- really living on the edge in general

- when Emily says something that makes me want to baptist nod and shout amen because I relate with every fiber of my being

- sitting on mrs. Cindettas porch with Nicholas Prda

- mrs. Lisa being a boss at life

- being the epitome of sibling goals with my sister

- someone texting back right away

- prayer 

Every lovely moment, sour

A ray of sun my teeth devours

And twists it into what it's not

My mind is where my battles are fought

On the roadside place I know too well

My spirits I force into a swell

The crest of a wave, saltwater taste

The sodium will burn on my wounds

But it's good for me, right?

This waiting game, this sorrowful fight

I huddle deep in my jean jacket

Can I be strong?

Another molasses instance,

Another poem, a new song

With the same tune, repeating chords

Someday you'll see

The things that I loved

We're the things that killed me

I love the sadness,

Believe me, it's deep

Well, so is the harvest

My shit heart must reap

overcome the world?

I feel so dead
Yet He is alive
This isn't right,
This isn't right

He's overcome the world
Can He help me with this?
I've messed it all up,
He must be enough

Why are my eyes welling up with tears?
Why am I cuddling with all my fears?
I've made friends with being 'tired'
My callused fingers feel the fire
But never burn,
But never burn

Elizabeth Elliot

"By trying to grab fulfillment everywhere, we find it nowhere." 

"Sleep well, my friend

There will be another moment we'll meet again"

So I woke up today and I was breathing. The sun was shining, a bit too brightly because I didn't want to get out of bed. My mom came into my room and touched me with her cold hands and told me to come eat breakfast.

I had a lot on my mind, but isn't it crazy that I have an existence and the ability to create ideas in my head? 

I thought about you and a lot of other things while I ate a biscuit that wasn't an accident and iced espresso that I shouldn't take for granted, because that crap costs money. There was house noise, excited conversation and footsteps on the wood floors, closing and opening cabinets, the business of a family that I consider a blessing, most of the time. A break from the silence was welcome.

I speed-read a history book, it's a handy talent. 

The sun was still shining, I was still breathing.

I am a pessimist, dear, but it's all about perspective. I wrote another song for when I see you again. Listen, I miss you, but isn't it a lovely day? 

because I just *have* to post

It makes me sick that it has to be this way. 

But I will talk to you every time I get,

Pray for this every time I think. 

I just want to be with you,

Someday. 

Lord willing. 

a love like war ~ all time low

"We go together or we don't go down at all, whoa

Is this the end of us or just the means to start again?"

I miss you, but it's okay. 

The moon misses the spotlight,

The ocean misses the shoreline,

So I'll keep trying

Like a hopeless debtor 

Trapped in Savannah,

To make sense of it all. 

someday, I won't have to miss you

someday we will take a trip

to the middle of nowhere,

wait until the sky paints itself our favorite color,

speckled with stars and smeared with wet paint,

and we will lay on a pier

and stare up at the universe.

it will be cold, so you'll give me your jacket

but I will feel bad, so I'll make sure I brought a blanket. 

we'll listen to music that reminds us

of each other,

or that ignites our nostalgia

or makes us happy

and the stars will shine down on us,

two miniature humans 

randomly in love,

and even though there are a million

things we could worry about, we won't. 

someday, I won't have to miss you. 

oh marcello ~ Regina spektor

"I'm just a soul whose intentions are good

Oh, Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood"

{n}

I don't know what to do

Is crying okay?

My words won't formulate the way

They did earlier today

I'm not angry,

Just confused. 

I'm sorry, I've tried my best

They don't get it, do they?

No one gets it,

No one ever does. 

I guess that's why

I need you so much 

"I'll keep you safe tonight (yeah, yeahhhh)"

I'm sitting in the car, wasting gas. I stare at the trees on the square, blowing ever so slightly with the breeze. The bank I'm at is vacant, and the old buildings stand still and overlooked as always. 

I was here just last week, doing exactly the same thing. 

Nothing has changed, but then again it has. I'm still the same girl, I'm still growing up, I'm still scared. I still get sad sometimes. I still stare and the stars and make wishes. But now, I've got you, so that's one less thing I wish for. One thing to be happy about when I feel a twinge of sadness. 

It's a blessing, yaknow?

popé

fade in, begin
there's unrest in my mind
a battle to fight
i'm blindly going in

rally the soldiers
all the angry men hiding
all the innocent dying,
here's a last breath

gaunt and malnourished
but my soul's starving more
my thoughts act as my prison doors
released, compensated

was it enough?
was it unjust?
i am an animal
i don't believe in rights
but the stars don't shine
quite as bright
when people die
at the hands of others

popé, they call me
creature, they call me
to farm my land as a slave
and as an ass i'm okay

but as a human i'm not
was it enough?
was it unjust?
i put a thought in their hands
torn with their fate
you know death must come
when you see it approach
in the way your ribcage
protrudes through your clothes
the kings and fools alike
suffer the same

we kill for a cause
future hidden in fog
we kill for a victory
with lungs blood-clogged

i can't reconcile what i have done,
good intentions won with blood
with the fact that i'm not satisfied
the land i have earned is not my prize

fade out, disappear
history will cover my steps
a name all i have left
eyes producing tears

So I'll put on my jean jacket

So you'll think that I'm all that

Though I know you think that of yourself

When you wear that Seahawks hat

Don't grow up too fast--

Your older sister might just

Walk in and catch you in the act

What's worth the risk and what is not?

Please explain the lump in my throat.

I can't put together the puzzle of my stomach. 

My feelings always come out when I don't want them to. 

And they stay bottled up when they should just pour out--

I wish I could tell you everything. 

But for now there's this lump in my throat. 

There's a knot in my stomach,

A tear in my eye,

A text message. 

Nothing can cure the emptiness inside

So I close my eyes, close my eyes

For although my body boycotts sleep

I have a few nice thoughts to keep,

Except my only fear is--

Paranoia

The asphalt is cracked and faded with time, and the street sign sits at a sickly angle, waiting for the wind to blow just right. It's dusty, abandoned. The occasional tractor passesthrough at a constant, slow-as-Christmas velocity, but for the most part, the scene is painted like an old western movie, a ghost town without the town. It all wants to die, give up its spot on the map. 

I tilt my head to read the street sign. Paranoia. So poetic, only I know the walk too well. 

One mile gets you the occasional tumbleweed, and if you walk further you're mouth will start to dry up the way the road dries up on the horizon when you look too hard. By the third mile, you might see a roadrunner if you're lucky. Today I walk the fourth mile, to see how far I can get without having to turn back. 

I always tend to look behind my back, as if my worst fear will pop out and scare me. Ha. 

I am already scared, and my worst fear lays before me. 

The looking back is just for my sanity. 

Dear Caliban, we fell for the trick again

Longing for someone

Is like driving into the horizon

Looking for the way 

The sunset meets the FM road

Searching for a break

In the familiar

As the car never gets any closer

To the rendezvous

Of sky and street,

Light and dark,

Heaven and earth,

Apparent and unknown,

And in longing for someone,

I wish I could drive into the horizon,

Because even that would seem

Less futile than this. 

My love for you

Is as bright

And explosive

Shocking

And lovely as

A furby

In a microwave 

soon! soon! soon!

It's a part of life, get used to it, they say

Well just because it's normal doesn't mean it's okay

Am I supposed to be fine with my mom being sick?

Am I supposed to be fine feeling depressed as frick?

Am I supposed to have a party when we're miles apart?

Am I supposed to write a thank-you note to the knife in my heart?

Ah, but that's what they all like to say

When cheerful, happy me has a not-so-nice day

But come on, tell me something I can try to believe

We've already addressed my tear-stained sleeves

There's nothing you can mouth that will summon the dead

There's nothing you can mouth that will quiet my head

There's something you can do that you never will

So why bother asking, why bother to kill

An infection that festers deep in my wound

Oh, but they will be home soon

Oh, but she will get well soon

Oh, the sun will come out soon

Well, soon means different for me than it does for you

i miss you ~ blink-182

"…Like indecision to call you
And hear your voice of treason
Will you come home and
Stop this pain tonight?

Don't waste your time on me,
You're already
The voice inside my head
(I miss you, I miss you)"

{words that stuck with me}

"I believe God gives everyone a soulmate." 

"I believe in healing."

"You are not alone, no one is alone."

"Your momma is scaling walls."

"The only time the punchline doesn't apply is with God..."

"Is he kind?"

"Be honest in your evaluation of yourself."

"He is, I'm not."

"To me God doesn't make things easier or hurt less it just helps me to let go and not be afraid of hurting."

"You've just got to choose your battles."

Help! Baylie won't stop sharing her useless opinions!

I understand your eyes are burning from reading these posts, but I love you and I'm not sorry :)

Help! Everyone is doing everything wrong!

(This is yet another peek into the mind of Baylie. You were warned.)

There are always going to be people who don't agree with you. It's a fact of life, and to this day I don't really understand how some folks expect everyone to have the exact same views on life. Oh, and if you don't agree with such people, you must be going to hell itself because God certainly doesn't appreciate people who watch those kinds of movies or do those sorts of activities.

Today I'm going to talk about legalism. But first, some terms and how I would define them:

•Legalism: I'm going with the dictionary on this one, "excessive adherence to a law or formula". But I'm also going to take it a step further and say that a legalistic person is someone who takes a personal conviction and applies it to everyone in existence.
•The Bible: the final authority for life, God's word.
•Gray Area: an issue the Bible doesn't talk specifically about.
•Grey Area: a room occupied by any member of the Grey family.
•Personal Conviction: a choice by one person to follow a certain principle regarding a gray area.
•Stupid: a personal conviction of any one person to be a jerk to any member of the Grey family.

Okay, let's move on now. In order to best explain this topic, I'm going to offend as many people as possible and examine several traditions and personal convictions that often morph into legalistic practices. I'll try to cover my bases so no one is more offended than another and we're all in the same uncomfortable boat, because getting out of your comfort zone is the first step to learning and changing. But please, try to keep an open mind :)

TOPIC NUMERO UNO: Don't wear hats to church!

My mom's side of the family is Southern Baptist. I'm talking DEEP Southern Baptist with a strong heart for traditional values and a sharp eye for people who dare come to church with hats on, or ripped jeans, or anything that disqualifies your outfit as your "sunday best".

I love my family. I love Southern Baptists. But I don't love this rule of not wearing hats to church, but let me explain myself.

The Bible talks about many things like honoring God, and attending church. God's ways are higher than our ways, and he is holy and deserving of great reverence and respect. But the Bible doesn't speak about Sunday school dress codes, but correct me if I'm wrong. And, the Bible doesn't speak specifically to this terrible issue of wearing hats to church. So we must conclude that dressing in your "sunday best" (and by this I mean, no hats, no ripped jeans, dresses for girls, suits for guys, etc. etc.) is a personal conviction.

My personal convictions on this are you should dress well for church. To show respect, in a way. But it doesn't matter whether your best outfit is fit for a hobo or fit for the queen of england. As long as it's your best, then go for it! Sometimes at my grandparents' church, people look at me weird because I wear ripped jeans. Honestly, I like the way they look rolled up with some heels and a button-up, and that's my form of sunday best, so I don't care about the looks I get.

As for wearing hats, if you think your beanie fits your interpretation of "church- worthy", wear it. If a cowboy hat is your thing, I'm pretty sure God won't rain down fire from heaven if you decide to wear it to church.

And look. Church isn't just a building, the body of Christ, us, WE are the church. So if you don't think hats are church worthy, might as well ditch them altogether. Wherever you go, you are setting the example of Christ and being the church to whoever you come into contact with. So this special combination of clothing items that you can't wear to a special building on a special day at a holy time really means nothing. I'm sorry, being Christ-like doesn't just apply to Sunday mornings.

TOPIC NUMERO DOS: Don't watch rated-R movies!

Many Christians have personal convictions not to watch rated-R movies. Clearly the word of God doesn't speak to this issue directly, although it does say to guard your heart, yet another gray area. (Not to be confused with a grey area, might I add.) There are different ways to guard your heart, and some people need to be more careful than others, but ultimately it's between you and God. If you think it's best for you not to listen to secular music, go for it. But if you think it doesn't affect you to listen to music with the occasional cuss word, then that's fine too. There's not a secret formula for guarding your heart and being the "perfect Christian", although it is up to you to be honest in your evaluation of yourself, and to do what you know is right. But back to the topic.

The thing with people who don't watch rated-R movies is that they often judge people who do watch these types of movies. They do the whole "you-aren't-righteous-and-you-must-have-an-unclean-mind-you-"christian"-whore-person-you-so-dirty" sort of thing. You see the hatred in their eyes and through their Facebook comments. I bet you're imagining a face right now, a rated-R boycotting activist in your life who unfriended you the day you saw Deadpool, you know the kind of people I'm talking about.

(I'm not going to give a speech on no judging, but you know you shouldn't.)

The movies you watch are a personal conviction, so don't force your ideas on people. And also, try to respect other people's convictions, like, don't make fun of someone who doesn't want to watch a certain PG-13 movie with you. Like come on, don't cause them to stumble (the Bible does talk about this), just try to chill a little bit when it comes to things like this. I need to work on this too, fam, I'm not calling anyone out any more than I'm calling out myself. Look, I've seen multiple rated-R movies, and God still loves me. I don't really watch certain PG-13 movies, and that's okay too. I've judged people for their movie convictions, yet I get angry when other people judge, it's stupid.

TOPIC NUMERO TRES: Democrats are evil and bad and whoever is liberal is not a follower of God and should not be running our country! Texas Secede! Republicans for the win! Someone please stop Hillary Clinton! Let us riot!

Just for the record, Texas should totally secede.

But here's the deal. These are more personal convictions, believe it or not! The Bible doesn't say that Republican conservative is the only correct way. It doesn't say that democrat liberal is the only way. What's the big deal? As long as you believe you are voting for a Godly leader who will run this country well, vote for whoever the heck you want and support whatever party you decide. It's an awesome thing that we have freedom here to do that, and it really sucks when people judge others for exercising this freedom. God doesn't care whether Christians vote for Hillary or Trump, whoever. And, God's sovereignty in this country does NOT depend on the president in office. 

(Listen, I'm not a big fan of political parties. I would probably vote republican because I agree with them on most things, but I wouldn't mind occasionally voting democrat if I agree with what a certain candidate stands for. But if you care at all to hear my opinion, I think the world needs less political parties and dinner table debates and more love and honest listening. [There is definitely a time and place for a non-offensive debate over something, I love that kind of thing. But when it hurts people, or destroys a thanksgiving dinner, come on, whyyyyyyyy?] But that's just my two cents on the matter.)

CONCLUSION: The point of all this is, God is first and foremost a loving and merciful God. And it says in 1Samuel (I think) that He looks not at the outward appearance, but at the HEART. Honestly, the Lord could care less what you wear to church, what rating your movies are, or who you vote for. He cares about you following Him, and loving people for His sake. How about we stop focusing on unimportant matters and start focusing on our heart for God and how we can grow in Him, not in status or friend requests. (Again, that's so cheesy. Velveeta level cheesy. But its' true.)

*awkwardly runs off*

the dimming night

And when I see you in the dimming night
Perhaps I will avoid your gaze
But I can only hope I caught your eye
The way you caught my heart,
There's a song in the way you smile
And in the way you goof around
A chorus of reasons to love you,
Notes dancing through my head
And when I see you in the dimming night
I may not speak a word
But you'll make me feel safe in a moment
In a simple, split-second nostalgia
I am alright just to sit in a room with you
There's a soundtrack to a silence,
A melody in your glances I will keep
In the corner of my eye
And when I see you in the dimming night
I will hope with entirety that you know
While you're caring for me with pictures
I will paint you into poems
And when I see you in the dimming night
Even in the real world things can be fine
And you'll call me by a nickname only I recognize,
When I see you in the dimming night

nostalgia for now

Tonight in the light

Of no particular stars 

I go by two names

And I write with two hearts

We'll go to sleep a bit late

On opposite sides of the city

The same sort of songs

Waltzing into our ears

I'll be aimless for a while

And might begin to cry

Because the nostalgia gets nasty

When one stares at the sky

And I'm laying on a pier

In the middle of nowhere

Picking out my favorite star

And wishing on it

My imagination can pencil you in

Beside me, where wanderlust begins

But I look at you and see the same stars

I feel the same feelings in my thumping heart

So I'm writing two things

Into one poem,

I think of the nickname you gave me,

How it resembles absolutely nothing 

Everything means so much

P!ATD

"If you're gonna be the death of me, that's how I wanna go..."

rainbow veins ~ owl city

"Cheer up and dry your damp eyes and tell me when it rains
And I'll blend up that rainbow above you and shoot it through your veins
'Cause your heart has a lack of colour and we should've known
That we'd grow up sooner or later 'Cause we wasted all our free time alone"

Another sleepless night,

And I don't have to be depressed

To wonder why

My mind is spinning in countless directions

My heart keeping time

The the beat of a faultline

The beat of the same rhyme

It's a picture I've painted, all in my head

A subconscious letter I write in my bed

It's a dream, an ambition, a hopeless ideal

It's a shift in my vision, a crack on my windshield

God, help me

Another sleepless night

I'm desperately watching out for a first light

The thoughts in my head are running all too dry

Why, why, why, why

Me?

I could be dying, dying like the front yard tree

We keep it there because it represents a certain memory

A person that died left a tree as a legacy

And now remembrance is dying like the sanity in me

Oh, please

Another sleepless night

Counting seconds till I hear someone in the kitchen

Making breakfast again

Like they did yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that,

And before I know it a picture's in the past

All it takes is 24 hours for a moment to be frozen in memory. 

All it takes is 1 minute for a thought to elongate for an eternity. 

All it takes is a second to die

And a second to fall asleep--

epiphany

With his words he painted a picture

With his eyes he broke into song

And I knew I had fell for his heart

Yeah, I knew it all along

i know a few slightly beautiful people, yaknow

She walks in the room with immediate light

But she's not always happy, as odd as that sounds

It can seem as if everything in her life is right

After all, she's always loving, smiling, allowing

But no one is without struggles

She has her own

But she's strong and I hope

I can let her know

Her name means more than she will ever know

Because she's talented at giving me room to grow

And I'm hard to put up with,

And she's been through a lot

But she's genuine and supportive despite that she's caught

In a web she can't escape

There's hurts I can't heal

Does she know that that kills me?

That I care as much as she does?

I know a girl who knows a guy

I see them constantly idealized

But gosh, they're in the same boat as us

They just don't tend to open up about it as much--

They shouldn't have to

She's lovely and it's strange that she still doesn't see

She's in a cage but she has the key

Give her something to believe in, something concrete

I see her sinking and she doesn't like to "burden" me

Hurry up and catch her

Before she snags a new day

She's destined for greatness

Please don't get in the way

I know you're not present

And she doesn't need to cry

Because someday I know

She will catch someone's eye

She's beautiful,

Tell her that for me

Because I've failed at this friendship

And I miss her, really

I can tell when he's sad, when something's not right

He has this aura of something I can't quite describe

And I don't know why I care so much 

That he finds love

But I know he's more than most care to see

And I also know he means a lot to me

drugstore perfume ~ gerard way

"That she can’t change for love
And she explains how long she’s waited for
She wanted more
And as these days go by
Well they can’t change how long we’ve waited for
A love that’s more
A love that’s more"

all teenagers make stupid choices and do bad things, right?

Whenever I get there

(Wherever that is)

I'll look back at you shaking your head

Like I "shook the dust off my feet"

When I left

Because we all turn into something

And I fear you won't like who I become

I don't want to be that disapproval seeker

But gosh, do I have to agree with everything?

You expect me to, don't you

Your way is the only truth

The judgements spill out and the motives aren't clear

Are you sure you want the best for me, do you even hear?

I've always had a voice, it just got louder. 

For the first time in my life

Last night

I had to realize I was growing up, because

I sat there and had to explain to you that I am becoming my own person

Daddy, I'm your little girl

Momma, I'm your little girl

But I can't compromise my values to fit your expectations for my world

And it hurts for me to drive off in that car

And then come home to find you've attached a leash

I thought you trusted me

Apparently, when it comes to cars

But not it comes to guys

And I sat there on the couch begging you

To listen to me cry

But there's this thing that someone told me

And I can't help but ask why

She told us we could be more than a stereotype

And then I come home to an arguement and that's all you see me as

You're living in some sort of magical past

Chasing me into a corner, I'm growing up, dad

And change isn't always meant to be bad

The world isn't the same, and I'm sorry I asked

But can you lighten up a little, you're hurting more than you see

I'm your daughter, not a monster, although I'm sixteen

And all of a sudden being a teenager is such a bad thing--